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Jim Shepich III 2026-02-09 01:00:27 -05:00
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self-care-is-not-selfish.md
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@ -23,15 +23,15 @@ As a husband and a father, I now have to take a much more intentional approach t
- **Use do not disturb**: I currently mute all notifications except for phone calls. Having your phone pinging constantly is the best way to ensure it stays in your hand (or drives you insane from across the room). I make sure the people I regularly communicate have an understanding that if they need to reach me urgently, they have to call. - **Use do not disturb**: I currently mute all notifications except for phone calls. Having your phone pinging constantly is the best way to ensure it stays in your hand (or drives you insane from across the room). I make sure the people I regularly communicate have an understanding that if they need to reach me urgently, they have to call.
- **Archive or delete social media apps**: If you need them, you can download them again. But without that barrier in place, you constantly have to resist the temptation. - **Archive or delete social media apps**: If you need them, you can download them again. But without that barrier in place, you constantly have to resist the temptation.
- **Block addictive websites**: Once you make it harder to use your apps, there's a good chance that you'll just start to use the website versions of your usual social media platforms through your browser app. I paid $100 for a lifetime subscription to the [BlockSite](https://blocksite.co/) app/browser extension to remedy this; I figured that if it saves me 4 hours of my life, it has paid for itself. And it has. Once you have BlockSite, you will be appalled to see just how often you see its "This website has been blocked" message because the habit of navigating to your usual websites is so deeply ingrained. - **Block addictive websites**: Once you make it harder to use your apps, there's a good chance that you'll just start to use the website versions of your usual social media platforms through your browser app. I paid $100 for a lifetime subscription to the [BlockSite](https://blocksite.co/) app/browser extension to remedy this; I figured that if it saves me 4 hours of my life, it has paid for itself. And it has. Once you have BlockSite, you will be appalled to see just how often you see its "This website has been blocked" message because the habit of navigating to your usual websites is so deeply ingrained.
- **Make the UI less appealing/convenient**: when people talk about gambling addictions, they often cite how the gaudy displays, flashing lights, and exiting sounds draw gamblers in and keep them playing [1]. I paid $30 for a lifetime subscription to [minimalist phone launcher](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.qqlabs.minimalistlauncher), which replaces my home screen with a plain text. I feel like this has helped me reduce how often I, by reflex, open my phone and navigate to a scrolling app. Another intervention you can use is to set your display to be greyscale only. That *did* help me reduce my phone usage, but I had to disable it too often for it to be practical (and I once got pulled over while using Google Maps in greyscale because I couldn't distinguish the route from the rest of the roads). - **Make the UI less appealing/convenient**: when people talk about gambling addictions, they often cite how the gaudy displays, flashing lights, and exiting sounds draw gamblers in and keep them playing [^1]. I paid $30 for a lifetime subscription to [minimalist phone launcher](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.qqlabs.minimalistlauncher), which replaces my home screen with a plain text. I feel like this has helped me reduce how often I, by reflex, open my phone and navigate to a scrolling app. Another intervention you can use is to set your display to be greyscale only. That *did* help me reduce my phone usage, but I had to disable it too often for it to be practical (and I once got pulled over while using Google Maps in greyscale because I couldn't distinguish the route from the rest of the roads).
- **Learn to let go of FOMO**: there are times when I get down about not seeing my friends as much, not having time for my hobbies, having to miss out on events, or even falling behind on housework. While it's okay to feel like that, and you should absolutely make time to see your friends and do what you love, you can't let feelings of discontent be an assault on your well-being. Remember that if there are people who you love so much that you take care of them, you're not wasting your time. - **Learn to let go of FOMO**: there are times when I get down about not seeing my friends as much, not having time for my hobbies, having to miss out on events, or even falling behind on housework. While it's okay to feel like that, and you should absolutely make time to see your friends and do what you love, you can't let feelings of discontent be an assault on your well-being. Remember that if there are people who you love so much that you take care of them, you're not wasting your time.
- **Invest in efficiency**: this is not conventional self-care, but anytime you learn how to do a chore or routine faster, better, or cheaper, that's time and/or money that you can give back to yourself. - **Invest in efficiency**: this is not conventional self-care, but anytime you learn how to do a chore or routine faster, better, or cheaper, that's time and/or money that you can give back to yourself.
- **Play**: if you only take one thing away from this note, let it be that it is critically important that you make time to play. If all you do is work and sleep, you will be miserable. Play rejuvenates the soul while at the same time exercising the mind and/or body. Play with your spouse, and your relationship will be stronger. Play with your children and you will watch their development progress in real time. Play with your friends and you will feel community. Play outdoors and you will feel alive. Play roleplaying games and you will have new and fantastical experiences. Play rhythm or action games and you will develop better reflexes. Play strategic games and you will develop an intuition for understanding real-world interpersonal interactions. Do not play mobile games because they are a plot by the Canadian Devil to capitalize on addiction to fund the development of Canadian infrastructure [2]. - **Play**: if you only take one thing away from this note, let it be that it is critically important that you make time to play. If all you do is work and sleep, you will be miserable. Play rejuvenates the soul while at the same time exercising the mind and/or body. Play with your spouse, and your relationship will be stronger. Play with your children and you will watch their development progress in real time. Play with your friends and you will feel community. Play outdoors and you will feel alive. Play roleplaying games and you will have new and fantastical experiences. Play rhythm or action games and you will develop better reflexes. Play strategic games and you will develop an intuition for understanding real-world interpersonal interactions. Do not play mobile games because they are a plot by the Canadian Devil to capitalize on addiction to fund the development of Canadian infrastructure [^2].
## Sources: ## Sources:
[1] https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1171-18.2018 [^1] https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1171-18.2018
[2] https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/jgkzdr/south-park-beelzaboot [^2] https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/jgkzdr/south-park-beelzaboot
(alt: *South Park* S18E06: "Freemium Isn't Free") (alt: *South Park* S18E06: "Freemium Isn't Free")